A friend of mine said something to me that made me think. He said to me, “So you know everything about LGBT’s and serial killers, your set.”
And when he said this I found my self feeling a sense of pride. I have spent all my free time devoting my self to this research for no apparent reason, and I feel accomplished to say I only need to update myself on it now.
Why should I feel proud? Well, I’m not sure. Why did I not cry when I saw my first car crash? Why did I try to calculate how much time it would take to not get hit by a car? I’ve had this inclination of self-worth based on my knowledge of what I know. My interests needs to reach not only the modern but the mechanics and history.
When I like a musician, I not only look up all their songs but who they are. I watch interviews, find personal blogs, find all the history of their lives I can possibly find. It is what I do. I am the “research whore”. I love knowing EVERYTHING.
Does that make me conceited? Selfish? It depends on how someone might look at it really. I know what I know, and any one who might look down upon me is not willing to understand me. I am more than what I show, and no one likes to see farther than it.
Fear is the biggest obstacle for some one as grotesque as me, for fear is what holds the people I adore so far away from me. At a distance that seems like I am utterly alone in the small bubble that my life surrounds.
I have never liked asking why, because it only makes more questions form and I am more lost than gratified in the end.
And when he said this I found my self feeling a sense of pride. I have spent all my free time devoting my self to this research for no apparent reason, and I feel accomplished to say I only need to update myself on it now.
Why should I feel proud? Well, I’m not sure. Why did I not cry when I saw my first car crash? Why did I try to calculate how much time it would take to not get hit by a car? I’ve had this inclination of self-worth based on my knowledge of what I know. My interests needs to reach not only the modern but the mechanics and history.
When I like a musician, I not only look up all their songs but who they are. I watch interviews, find personal blogs, find all the history of their lives I can possibly find. It is what I do. I am the “research whore”. I love knowing EVERYTHING.
Does that make me conceited? Selfish? It depends on how someone might look at it really. I know what I know, and any one who might look down upon me is not willing to understand me. I am more than what I show, and no one likes to see farther than it.
Fear is the biggest obstacle for some one as grotesque as me, for fear is what holds the people I adore so far away from me. At a distance that seems like I am utterly alone in the small bubble that my life surrounds.
I have never liked asking why, because it only makes more questions form and I am more lost than gratified in the end.
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